Overheard in a parking lot

 Male, 30s:  I’m sorry, I thought you were a bill collector.

Overheard at a coffee shop

 Female, 70s:  Every morning I make a cup of coffee, and then I drink it.

Overheard at a quick-service restaurant

 Female, 40s:  You boys watch the game and we will go to a movie. . . . You do know how to order pizza, don’t you?

Overheard in a quick-service restaurant

 Female, 60s:  I said, “Honey, you’ve got a newborn, a 15-month-old and a 3-year-old.  I had nothing to do with how that happened.  Honey, you are on your own.”

Overheard at a diner

 Female, 60s:  If it won’t come out, just go try again.  Gramma can’t go in there and get it for you.

Overheard in a diner

Female, 30s:  My daughter told her step-mom, “My Mom is going to buy me some Victoria Secrets underpants, and you can’t do anything about it.”  … Hell, no!  She’s only eight!

Overheard in a diner

 Female, 20s:  Get this.  Jim said he was robbed.  He said that a pickpocket must have got his wallet, removed all of his money, including the child support, and returned the wallet to his pocket.  What an idiot.

Overheard at the dollar store

 Female, 30s:  I can’t change her diaper from here.

Overheard on the bus

Female, 30s:  He said he respected my situation and said that if I slept with him, he would pay my rent.